Domestic Violence

The class was held as a conversation, rather than a lecture. A woman named Karen Wyman, who is a board member of WE LEARN, lead the class. She started off by asking "What is love?", as we all answered around the room we came up with some of the same words.. "Trust, Compromise, Respect, Honesty, Communication, Fun." If love is all of these things and more, we know what it also isn't. Abuse. There are different forms of abuse being mental, physical, and sexual. It seemed all the women in the room shared in common the fact that they had all experienced some form of abuse in their lives. Abuse in a relationship deals with unbalanced control, meaning one person has or seeks control over the other. In an abusive relationship it is never a one-time-thing, it is a pattern, a cycle. In these relationships there is an abuse of trust, because it is in the context of a relationship you should feel safe in.


The class learned that in most cases, but certainly not all, men are the abusers of women. It is an act of extreme male dominance. One woman shared that her abusive father actually taught her what later saved her life against an abusive husband. "Never give a man control of your home." Her father preached. This woman found that having the apartment she shared with her husband in HER name kept her safe because it meant that he would always be the one who had to leave in a tough situation because by law it would be HER home.
The class went on to discuss injustices in how women are protected by the court system. Restraining orders are just a piece of paper, and only effective against people who obey the law. The system is flawed and it sometimes really helps women, and other times lets them down terribly. A woman who had served time in jail expressed hearing a story about a woman on death row for murdering her husband in defense of her and her child. Karen then shared with us how a man who plead guilty to murdering a 16 year old got only 8 years in jail in another case. The class discussed how this injustice could be a product of the male dominated court system...and going further...a male dominated country.
To better help women against violence, long term care must be in place. We ended the class questioning "What can we do?" and the answers aren't simple. However, first off report it, if we are abused or see someone being abused. Then sharing and support are vital for women to move on in their lives. Third is to get information about who you are dating and be wise about your choices.

Statistics show that 80% of incarcerated women are victims of domestic violence and little support is provided. Visit http://www.sinbysilence.com/ to hear their stories.